Lost
Posted on September 3, 2009 - Filed Under Visual Inspiration, What I am up to
I am not finding my way in any real sense this week. My husband lost his job, the fourth in recent years, the rejection notices are coming in, and right now, I feel beaten up. It won’t last, and it won’t kill me, but I am definitely on a path I want to get off of. I need a new map.
This is a map of Julian, California, and specifically Camp Stevens. I spent a lot of time there growing up, as a camper and a staff member, so when it came to getting married, the outdoor chapel in the woods at Camp Stevens was our choice.
This summer I contracted Emily Fischer of Soft-Maps to make a pillow. Her work is stunning. It is elegant, and delightful. She did this soft-map for my husband as a birthday gift. After many summers in Julian, and at Camp Stevens, I know my way around, so these roads are familiar to me.
Now I want a map that says YOU ARE HERE with a big red X, and then an arrow of where I need to go. Normally I am good at finding my way out of a bog, but this time, well, I’ve lost my feet. It is hard to motivate to get in my studio. The house is a mess from kids and a flood, I am sick with worry about our future and so very tired of this story. Half of my time is spent fixing other people’s messes (a faulty hose on the new washer took over my life) and my feet hurt. Whine, whine whine.
So, I get out the bucket of things to be grateful about, and pretend to be the person who counts them up every morning. My kids and husband are healthy. Most of our house is nice. We have good schools to attend, and enough money not to end up on the street anytime soon. I am an ARTIST and I have tools to help me through this. Tools like pencils, paint and imagination. Tools like friends, my family and a new puppy. After I finish up crying, I am going to get all these tools out, and make my own new map. Today.
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Oh Jill, I am so sorry…..ugh, I hate all of this economic crap. I am feeling a sting of rejection too (A+S) which totally sucks. Sometimes it seems so hard to eek out a living, doesn’t it?
One thing I know for sure…this too shall pass. You are a brilliant artist and a gifted teacher. You *will* find your map, I have no doubt of that!
Hang in there, Jill. Take all the anxiety and let it galvanize you. You’re such an accomplished artist with such a diverse skill set, I’m sure you’re capable of anything! Opportunity has a way of revealing itself in tight corners.
I listened to a lot of really hard core rap when I started quilting in earnest a few months ago… I’m not entirely suggesting you do the same, but it really helped me!
Oh Jill, bummer.. its not easy. but you know that a ton of people out there are rooting for you and your family. Soon enough we’ll all be together in Cedarburg and there will be enough positive energy to carry you through for a long time!!! Wishing you the gold star on your map as a direction to head towards!
That is a beautiful pillow. very inspiring as is the work you do. Your creativity and positive attitude will see you through this uncertain period to better and more beautiful times. Cheers!
Oh Jill, so very sorry to hear life is not good for you right now. I know that this is an overused statement but things DO get better! I am pulling for you and wishing a new job for hubby so that your life can begin to get back to normal! Keep your art active, even if it is to just go into your studio and sit…let your soul be nourished by all the creativity in that space, and you will be enriched and be able to get beyond the darkness.
xoxo!
Oh Jill, I was so touched by this post of yours. I am (or have been and am just not sure where on my own map I am at the moment)in much the same situation. I felt so very alone. I just wanted to let you know how brave I think you are for posting your true feelings. After spending so very much time worried and scared about finances, my husband did get another job after 8 months out of work. It is not where he wants to be, but it is a job. This was not the worst for me. I can buckle in and make do and go without; while not comfortable it is doable. My worst was my disappointment in people; people who I thought were my friends, people who I thought had my best interests at heart in projects we were collaborating on and those that I believed were working with me. I am climbing out of this abyss and am again creating artwork. And for this and my wiser vision of the world around me I am very grateful. And I am grateful to you for being strong enough to post your true self—know that you are also not alone.
My very best wishes to you and yours.
CH
What a bummer…Hang in there, art-seetah.
So here I am, wandering through various artists’ blogs, and I see this poignant post of yours. And to the right, I see all these publications you’ve been in. Look at that — what an accomplished and admired artist you are! I know it’s hard to get perspective when you’re knee-deep into home issues, job problems. But I think if you re-read what you’ve said you’ll find you’ve got your answer: You’ve got a bucket of things to be grateful about, and the tools to help you through this. In my book, that’s a woman who’s on top of the world.