Do not express yourself…. : Jill Berry Blog

Do not express yourself….

Posted on February 13, 2009 - Filed Under Uncategorized

Yesterday my daughter was in trouble at school for not finishing a project, and for leaving the classroom to hide in the bathroom stall with a book she was “lost in”. Her teacher, Mrs. Anonymous, was having none of this, and made her stay in during recess to finish her work, and as a consequence for leaving without permission. Mrs. A was none too happy with this negligent escapee, as we can all imagine. Sydney was not happy either. Instead of doing what she was told, she drew a picture. Something like this one, only of her teacher, Mrs. A.

Sydney then drew a big red circle around the picture, and wrote “Just say no to Mrs. A”. Kind of like this.

She then crumpled it up wildly and tossed it in the trash. Now, I journal a lot, and one of the things we talk about at home is strategies for releasing anger. In this exercise, Sydney used one of those strategies. Keep it to yourself, don’t hit or use ugly words, vent and be done. Mrs. A retrieved this artwork out of the trash, and let me tell you, did not like it one bit. When she called me the next day it was something like this.

(the above story, then…)

Mrs. A: Sydney had a great day today. She was perfect. After yesterday, I didn’t know what to expect.

Me: Glad to hear it. About the picture in the trash. Sydney was upset that you retrieved it.

Mrs. A: It was disrespectful. We cannot have this behavior at school.

Me: I see this as an exercise. She named her feelings, dealt with them and threw them away. She did not mean for you to see them. She said what was in the trash was trash, and private.

Mrs. A: How do I know that? Another kid could have come in, she could have done anything with this.

Me: She didn’t. She threw it in the trash because that was her plan.

Mrs. A: You can do this at home if you like, but we can’t do it at school.

Me: Do what? Acknowledge our feelings? Journal?

Mrs. A: Be disrespectful and draw mean pictures.

Me: She did it to relieve her anger, and it was private. And it worked. Like you said, she had no baggage or bad feelings today, did she?

Mrs. A: Well I guess you have point, but she needs to find another way. Maybe reflect on her day and fill out this behavior plan….

I leave it up to you. Journal and release, or fill out the behavior plan form. Vote below.

Comments

6 Responses to “Do not express yourself….”

Jennifer White on February 13th, 2009 11:57 pm

Errrrrr this still makes me a little upset even since we talked about it earlier. Why the teacher is adamant that this was something that was bad is beyond me. Maybe she just needs some tougher skin and just get over it. Whether it’s journaling, drawing a picture, or just trying to rid oneself of an issue, it’s a personal thing regardless if you 10 or 41. Mrs. A….you need to move on my friend. Leave Sydney to express herself the way we want our children to throughout their lives.
Ruth on February 14th, 2009 10:47 am

Good to know this teacher has a fallback career of dumpster diving. One wonders how often she used her little behavior plan form in the times she was angry, frustrated or disappointed by someone or something….I doubt ever. I didn’t find anything overly harsh in that drawing. Yes, she does need to get a thicker skin, especially as a teacher.
elisabeth on February 15th, 2009 5:49 am

Was Mrs. A. asked _why_ she did retrieve things from trash?? What would her (frank) answer have been? That she already suspected “mean” things going on against her? That she just can’t stand the fact that the teacher’s role does imply not merely happy feelings on the part of her fosterlings but that she will cause frustrations too, and that she is to tolerate them?

Retrieving things from trash is like reading other people’s diaries. By no means does the teacher position justify such an insidious behavior.

It’s sad to learn that although I left school some decades ago, teachers can still be the same self-righteous and absolutistic characters.
Carolsue on February 15th, 2009 5:22 pm

I am so glad my kids are adults and past all of this! My son got in trouble once because he used the wrong color notebook for a particular subject! What’s wrong with these people?!!!! Do they pick on this stuff because they can’t control the bigger problems? Sheessshhh….
Debbie on March 1st, 2009 10:03 am

What a gift you are giving your daughter in teaching her these skills. It is so unfortunate that there are still so many teachers that just don’t “get it”. Sydney will grow up to be a strong, confident, and compassionate young woman who is in touch with her feelings…I love her ability to escape into the bathroom to read a book she is “lost in”…talk about knowing how to get her needs met and doing whatever it takes to do so! Sounds like she already has written that behavior plan and put it into action Go Sydney…and Go Jill!
admin on March 2nd, 2009 3:27 pm

Thanks for your support! I really appreciate the affirmation…..